We interrupt this program for a very important news announcement. Thanks to the efforts of twenty rogue ducks, every piece of glass within 50 kilometres of the Melbourne CBD has been completely shattered. It is understood that the ducks believed shattering the glass with their piercing quacks would help fix the human economy by giving glaziers operating close to Melbourne plenty of work. Unfortunately, their well-intentioned plot has had dire consequences, many of which we cannot speak of on the text-based news source, Channel 17. I’m Chuck Fiddlesticks, here with the latest scoop.
I’m here with the leader of the rogue ducks, Feathers. Feathers, did you have any idea that there would be such catastrophic ramifications as a result of your plan to destroy all the glass in Melbourne? Thousands have been injured in what people are calling the biggest disaster since something bad happened in the United States like twenty years ago. One person has reported that her glass balustrade, now shattered into a million pieces, has been scattered all over her pool, suggesting it will take countless hours to clean up. Having now seen the true impact of your plan, what are your thoughts?
“Quack.”
Insightful. Well, thank you, Feathers, for joining us today.
In other news, a local sports team has once again found a remarkable way to humiliate themselves, this time on the national stage. Despite continually putting themselves in positions that look certain to result in a win, this team has proven time and time again that they can always snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. While glass repair experts are celebrating the amount of work they now have, the rest of Victoria suffers – especially followers of this unfortunate team.
I can’t imagine how this team’s fans are feeling right now. It must be truly awful to be one of their supporters, even after a period of great success such as they have had. But then again, maybe they simply console themselves by thinking about all their incredible victories over the previous few years. Either way, this is Chuck Fiddlesticks, signing off.