Making decisions is hard – especially when they impact your life so much. I’m currently deciding on the plant seeds I want to buy to be able to redecorate my back and front yards. But as you can imagine, it’s a really hard decision to make. The seeds I choose will take months to grow which means there will be months when my garden beds look bare and uninviting. That will be a hard few months for me as I really only feel happy when my gardens are healthy and blooming. I guess that’s really reflective of my whole life, I only really feel happy when everything around me is good, pretty and running smoothly.
So should I buy hippeastrum bulbs online… or something else? Maybe I could use this as an opportunity to become self-sufficient and grow my own produce? That would mean that I need to buy salad vegetable seeds online instead, or maybe just vegetable seeds, or if I think that’s too complicated… maybe just herb seeds?
I don’t know. There’s too much to think about and it’s really stressful for me. Making decisions like this really causes me a lot of anxiety because what if I make the wrong decision? It would really throw me through the wringer if I made the wrong decision. It would take months, if not years for my garden to grow back to a similar level that it is now. You should see how beautiful my thornless roses are. They’re absolutely flourishing right now. To the point where it’s probably silly for me to even think about changing my garden.
I know that my garden is the envy of many people in my neighbourhood. I am taking a risk that could hopefully pay off but it will be hard to know until I’ve chosen the seeds and seen them grow. I guess only time will tell. Until then, I’m going to try not to think about it because it’s causing me much too much angst.